Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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