I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
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hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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