Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
