Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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