I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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