My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
