I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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