I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
