sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
