I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
