Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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