Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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