I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
