Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
