I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
