she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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