no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He shit in the fireplace
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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