her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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