I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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