that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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