You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize