I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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