thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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