I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
