I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize