This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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