Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
