so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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