trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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