Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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