never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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