woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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