My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
