just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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