Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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