I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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