Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
