The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
