I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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