I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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