New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
