My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
