You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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