Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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