I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
