i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
