if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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