I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
