Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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