Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
