Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
