i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
