Her vagina should come with caution tape.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
