i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
