Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
