I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
