her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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