I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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