Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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