chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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