Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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